These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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