I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have post one night stand depression
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
