i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
