I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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