Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
