i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize