I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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