I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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