Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
