So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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