So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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