My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
