Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
