STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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