her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
