His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
