my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
