i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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