so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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