Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize