I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize