Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Found the puke drawer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
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