shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
