I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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