dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
