didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
