Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
