I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize