I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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