dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
