no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
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if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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