Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
