Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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