I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
