I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
