If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
