White coat. Heels.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
