So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
