he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
