dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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