This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
