I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
