I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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