There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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