I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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