Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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