I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
