I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
