I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
