someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
