Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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