wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i now understand why vodka
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
