I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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