I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize