just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
time to smoke my breakfast
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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