Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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