I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
