i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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