mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
