if only i could text you this smell
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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