brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
