If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
