how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
