My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
