i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
