i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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