I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
